the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
