then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
