new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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