i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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