you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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