omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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