Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
