Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
