Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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