even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
