It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
