We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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