ugly people sure do ruin things
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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