Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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