Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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