To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
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we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
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Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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