also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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