How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
