your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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