dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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