You really coming over, don't trick.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
