i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
