I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
