dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I want a musical about memes.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
