yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
