Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
