Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
