I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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