It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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