Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
