so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
