From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
