....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
