i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
