thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
