it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
birth control should be required to get into college
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
