Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
