listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
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i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
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Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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