Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The best revenge is premature balding
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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