If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
