Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
