making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
