Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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