Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
