Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
