I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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