he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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