As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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