he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
