i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
