we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
