What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
