Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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