Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
