I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
