All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
