Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
