sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
