Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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