Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
where am i from again
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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