The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
