i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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