Your dad touched me again.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
