dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
