i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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