Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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