Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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