Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
