Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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