Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
