You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
