Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
