i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh god it's open bar.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
