you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
