My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
