Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
