Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
