Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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