if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
