Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
