Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
