im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
