Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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