i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
