Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
