can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
