Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
